Monday, July 24, 2017

The struggles

I have been mulling this over in my head for a while, and though I hesitate, this is something that MUST come out somewhere...

I told my husband yesterday that I am ready to take my ball and go home.
I'm tired of pettiness.
I'm tired of the politics of military life.
I'm tired of not belonging.
I'm tired of being an outsider everywhere I go.
I'm tired of the nomad life.

It also scares the wits out of me to think of his retirement.
God has used the Navy to provide well for us.
Not abundance, mind you, but well enough that we WERE finally getting our heads above water.
And then it felt like the Navy yanked that solid ground right back out from under us.
They moved us to one of the more expensive places in the country.
And now they are punishing him for the consequences of trying to LIVE in the place that they moved him to.
Meanwhile, we were putting down roots in the place where we were.
There was a career path for him that was "almost inevitable".
And then they changed the rules, and took that away, too.

And my response to all of this has been a seething anger for months now.
I don't like where we are.
I don't like how the Navy has treated us.
I think the change in rules was unfair.
I think how they are treating him now is unfair.
I don't have a face or a person at whom to direct my anger, so instead it migrated to me being angry with God.
And I don't like that I have gotten to this.

I can DEFINITELY see that God has worked, despite the Navy....
I can DEFINITELY understand that He is continuing to work for His good and His Glory....
I am DEFINITELY willing to follow His lead in this....

Meanwhile, we wait.
We are not strangers to God's waiting room.
What we DO know is that we ARE moving.
When?  No clue.
Where?  No clue.
I don't do well with the waiting.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you all, not much can be done to change the military, I get that! Changes have happened here too, so I'm partially living what you are going through. What helps me, is to imagine the New Earth. This world is NOT my home!!! Satan is in a battle with us, we are NOT able to withstand his schemes, but God is. BTW, I'm writing this to myself! Keep yourself close to God and see what He does!