Saturday, August 27, 2016

Giving them wings

There is a lot about releasing one's children to be adults that is hard on parents.

  • There is the fear that we didn't do enough.  
  • There is the fear that we hoovered too much.
  • There is the fear that they are not prepared for the big-bad-world.  
  • There is the fear of bad people hurting our kids.

Today we took our oldest child to move into the dorms on a new college campus.  I am happy for her.  She is ready for this.  She needs to be able to finish school and move on to the next steps.

And yet...

  • She is my first baby.
  • I have thoroughly enjoyed having her home for the last 10 months.  
  • I am going to miss her help, and her sensitivity.
Our second child has been out of the nest and on his own for almost two years now.  I miss him like crazy.  We got to see him for a few wonderful days in June...and hearing from him sporadically is never enough.  He is our first boy...this man-child who is finding his way on his own.  

This letting-go thing is hard...and I have 4 more still at home, one of whom has already graduated from high school, and is taking a "gap year", working, and saving her money, and sorting through what exactly she wants to study.  

Meanwhile, this school year, we are only sending 3 into seventh grade, one into 9th, and one into 11th grade.  I don't quite know what to do with myself, having so few children in school.  It has been a LONG time since that happened (um... 2005, I think...).  

Sigh.  I don't want to do this.  I don't want them all to go...and yet...I don't want to hold them back.  They each need to find their way.  I don't want any of them staying here because I am refusing to let them go.  I need to know that what we taught them was enough.  I need to know that they will succeed...probably despite our shortcomings as parents.  Most of all, I need to remember that each of them are following the paths God has for them...and that HE knows them much better than I do, and loves them even more than I do.  

That is reassuring, even in the midst of the scariness of turning loose....