- There is the fear that we didn't do enough.
- There is the fear that we hoovered too much.
- There is the fear that they are not prepared for the big-bad-world.
- There is the fear of bad people hurting our kids.
And yet...
- She is my first baby.
- I have thoroughly enjoyed having her home for the last 10 months.
- I am going to miss her help, and her sensitivity.
Our second child has been out of the nest and on his own for almost two years now. I miss him like crazy. We got to see him for a few wonderful days in June...and hearing from him sporadically is never enough. He is our first boy...this man-child who is finding his way on his own.
This letting-go thing is hard...and I have 4 more still at home, one of whom has already graduated from high school, and is taking a "gap year", working, and saving her money, and sorting through what exactly she wants to study.
Meanwhile, this school year, we are only sending 3 back...one into seventh grade, one into 9th, and one into 11th grade. I don't quite know what to do with myself, having so few children in school. It has been a LONG time since that happened (um... 2005, I think...).
Sigh. I don't want to do this. I don't want them all to go...and yet...I don't want to hold them back. They each need to find their way. I don't want any of them staying here because I am refusing to let them go. I need to know that what we taught them was enough. I need to know that they will succeed...probably despite our shortcomings as parents. Most of all, I need to remember that each of them are following the paths God has for them...and that HE knows them much better than I do, and loves them even more than I do.
That is reassuring, even in the midst of the scariness of turning loose....
